Anguish
by Marian Louvre
Summary: This happened shortly before Erik and Charles started what turned out to be their last time together, before they got on board of an airplane and before everything broke apart on an island. Erik got hurt while training with the young mutants, had damaged his shoulder so bad that he had to agree to an operation or he wouldn't be able to move this shoulder and his arm.


**I wondered how Erik would feel if he would have to go to the hospital for an operation. If he had to trust in a doctor. So I came up with this short story.**

* * *

It felt wrong to voluntarily get out of the hospital bed in which they had brought him to the floor with the operation rooms, and move himself onto an operation table. It felt so wrong that he briefly thought about getting out and just walk away. Could be a little bit difficult with whatever that pill was they had given him before. And this, this was just an operation he had agreed to. Something that should end his pain, not cause it. _I can do that._ And so he laid down when he was told to. A lean man in green carefully pushed something under his head and knees before he covered him in a warm blanket. Warm and caring somehow, but all he could think of, was that it would be so easy now for anybody to tie him down to that thing. At least Shaw could and Emma Frost could, too. This child here? Probably not. The man rolled him into the next room. It was a big hall with numerous doors leading into different operation rooms.

He laid on his back in this ridiculous gown and observed the people in green scrubs walking and talking without paying him much attention. Which was somehow reassuring. They didn't want anything from him, they just did their work. None of them would fixate him to a table and... he stopped that train of thought. Instead he concentrated on his breathing. Slow breaths. In and out. The light at the ceiling above him was too bright. _Breathe slowly._ _Everything is alright._

A nurse came. Told him her name and he promptly forgot it a minute later. Asked him a few questions to assure he was the right one and that they'd do the right thing. Left shoulder. The electrodes she pinned on him were no problem. She put a blood pressure cuff around his right arm. When it was inflated, he felt like it could crash his arm. Pressure so high it was pain. Not much, he had so much worse, but it made him a little bit more alarmed again, despite the medicine that was already in his blood. This room was full of metal. He could just kill them all, one after the other or all at once. He wasn't a helpless little boy anymore. He took a deep breath and then the strain was gone. His blood pressure was high, but not grave.

"This will hurt a little bit." He couldn't stop himself from flinching when she said that while she worked. "It's the intravenous access for the anesthesia." He was asked to close his hand into a fist and he felt almost relieved to do so. It wasn't a gesture of attack, not now, but nevertheless it helped a little bit to see it like that. He knew very well, that he could knock her out with just his strength, he wouldn't even need his powers. She tapped a few times on his hand, than he felt something sharp being pushed under his skin. _It's alright. It's safe._ Nobody would inject him with something that would burn through his veins like fire, making him scream himself hoarse in agony. Nobody would draw so much blood out of his body that he would fall to the floor when he was forced to stand up. Blood that after all didn't help Schmidt to find out, what made Erik so special. _Stop._ Meanwhile she had fixated the needle with patches. He managed to stop himself from telling the nurse that she would die a slow and painful death, if she or anyone else would do anything to him apart from the operation. The still packaged needles behind her started to shake slightly. _Don't._ Perhaps he should never have agreed to that. But without this, the pain would get worse and he would lose the mobility in that shoulder and therefore in his arm. Or at least that was what both doctors had told him. They were both friends of Charles, so he should trust them, should be able to trust into men in white gowns that were called doctor and claim to help and heal.

The man that came to his left side, it was the anesthetist he had met before. He greeted Erik shortly and ordered the nurse to inject something into his IV. Then suddenly everything went dark.

* * *

He was barely half awake when another nurse brought him back into his room later. Charles sat in a chair by the window, patiently waiting. Erik fell asleep while Charles told him that the operation was successful and added a lot of medical lain to his statements.

When he woke up the next time, he was really awake and aware and Charles smiled at him, still sitting in that chair, a book on the table beside him.

They gave Erik painkillers. A lot of them. Taking a deep breath hurt nevertheless. A stabbing pain located deep inside of his bandaged shoulder and at the upper left side of his ribcage. He had to adjust his breathing to manage the pain. And wasn't that familiar to him? _Don't breath too deep and not too fast._ A long time ago he had found out that deep breaths at the wrong time could worsen the pain but can sometimes ease it a bit with good timing. Too fast could mean passing out which would just make Schmidt wake him up with even more agony, laughing when he cried out. _I shouldn't know that. Nothing of all of that._ Erik asked himself how much of a conditioned and trained animal he was. How damaged he was and would always be. How broken. _Frankenstein's monster._

It was a nearly silent sob. Nearly. Erik turned his head and looked at Charles. He had tried to wipe away the tear from his face before his friend could see it, but Erik was too fast. "Charles?"

"I'm sorry." He stood up before he added, "You are not a monster."

"I've told you to stay out of my head, didn't I? Get out of here if you can't obey that." He hadn't intended to share his thoughts with the telepath and right now, this intrusion made him angrier, than ever before. How did Charles dare to violate his mind, right now, when his body was weakened and vulnerable and reminded him so much of then.

"I didn't. It wasn't intentional. Your thoughts and feelings were just so forceful and powerful, you were screaming inside of my head. I couldn't have missed hearing you." With his hands raised he punctuated his next words. "I'm happy that I've heard you. You shouldn't be alone with this, my friend."

"I always was." _I don't need you._

"You are not alone, Erik. Not anymore."


End file.
